You ever notice how advertising will back people in insanely close together? There’s a Bacardi add where a bunch of people on boats build an island to dance and party on it. Leaving aside the degree of unnecessary effort involved, when they’re on their little fake island and dancing, they’re packed like sardines. Likewise, I remember seeing photo ad for a pool of some kind of another. They had like five people in a pool about the size of two and a half hot-tubs with some of them swimming around. No way five people are moving around in that water without running in to one another.

Speaking of Bacardi, isn’t there or wasn’t there a ban on liquor sales on TV? Liquor-makers used to sidestep this by advertising for their girlie-malt drinks, but now it seems that they’re advertising rum. Is this a cable vs broadcast TV thing? Did some law get passed? Am I hallucinating in thinking that the ban existed in the first place?

When I get some free time, I enjoy driving around the old ‘hood in my folks’ Ford Mustang convertible. The car has no MP3 player, so I listen to a Mix CD with select songs that I don’t typically listen to the CD for. A disproportionate number of these songs are of the Easy Listening genre because I used to listen to Easy Listening radio when I was young but was too poor to ever buy the CDs and bec0me familiar with their entire catalog. So I drive around town in a Ford Mustang convertible jamming it out to Melissa Manchester’s “Don’t Cry Out Loud” and England Dan and John Ford Coley’s “I Really Want To See You Tonight”.

The first decade was only nine years long. Stop trying to use technicalities to prove yourself smarter than everyone else. That’s the type of stuff I pulled when I was ten.

I cannot keep track of my melatonin bottles to save my life.

Contacts have also been a problem. I somehow ended up with only one set of pods for two different sets of prescriptions (one of which had a blurry left eye and the other a blurry right eye). There was no way I was going to be able to keep that straight. I should have just thrown out the blurry lenses.

Sometimes I wish Clancy were more into television. But then I find myself in the middle of a conversation about some modelling and fashion designer reality TV show and I realize that at least this way I’m not stuck watching completely uninteresting.

TV is much harder to watch when you can’t pause it. If I got a DVR, I swear that would be as important a component for it as the ability to timeshift and far more important than skipping commercials.

I found out that my brother retired his wireless router. That means that between the one I bought from Dad, the one he ordered before knowing that I was going to give it to him as a Christmas present, and Mitch’s old router, we’ve got three. Oh, and my father-in-law gave me a broken one that’s mine if I can fix it. Plus, Mitch’s router is apparently the same make and model as the one I got Dad. An embarrassment of riches.

When I was a kid, all I wanted for Christmas was a Nintendo and I didn’t get one until long after I really cared. Concerned for our grades, my parents were vaguely anti-video game. A year ago, my father heard about this handheld thing where he could do crosswords and other mind exercises. Mom got the thing and the thing that it works on. So now Dad has a Nintendo DS. And I don’t.

I am typing this from my father-in-law’s old ThinkPad. It’s older than my older laptop. Still runs quite well… except that Windows XP has a lot of trouble on 512MB of RAM. Microsoft says the minimum requirement is supposed to be 128MB. Liars.

I was so proud to get Clancy a laptop with outstanding resolution (1600x1200). But she can’t read it. I had to change the resolution to the standard (1280x1024).

I really, really hate that they changed the 1.25 aspect ratio for 1280x1024, but have everything else at 1.33. People have told me why this is the case (maybe even in the comments here, though I can’t find it), but I still think it’s stupid. I guess widescreens are rendering this irritation obsolete. Still: Dumb move.

Since getting back to Delosa, I’ve been staying up very late at night. This is in contrast to Cascadia, where I am usually in bed by 12:30 and up by 8. These days I go to bed after 4 (usually 5) and wake up after 10 (usually 11). I love my family (and hers), but I find that late nights are the only time that I really get to myself. That seems to be a more-important-than-usual thing. Every day I intend to get back more on schedule, but then every night I realize that’s not what I want at all.

The problem is that on Tuesday I have to take my father to the airport and we’d be leaving at 3am. So do I just throw in the towel on going to bed on time and take him to the airport and back? Or do I make the extra effort to get on-schedule so that I can go to sleep at 9 and wake up at 2? My hesitation with the former is that usually around 4 I start getting tired and I don’t want to be tired on the road (the airport is on the other side of town — an hour away). But then five hours of sleep isn’t a whole lot and getting up and moving at such an early hour could leave me feeling just as tired.

Or maybe I need to just knock off the caffeine and melatonin. That way, I can guide my sleep to a more normal schedule by taking melatonin without my body being as conditioned to it as I presently am.

Decisions, decisions…

I try to do my reviews after about six or seven episodes, but life got the better of me this time around and so here I am, writing it mid-season. I’m breaking the shows into three categories: Shows I’m Watching, Shows I Should Be Watching, and Shows I Am No Longer Watching.

-{Shows I Am Watching}-

The Big Bang Theory - Season three is still going strong. Kudos to the writers for letting Leonard and Penny get things going and not relying on the perpetual will-they-won’t-they storyline that is all too easy to do. With The Office having allowed Jim and Pam to get married, I wonder if this is becoming a trend? I am disliking Howard and Raj less and less and finally view the two of them as a net bonus to the show. The character of Sheldon Cooper remains priceless. Grade: A

Community - This one took a little while to grow on me. I almost dropped it altogether, but have not yet. The show still doesn’t seem to have found its stride, but it does have a sort of endearing quality as we get to know a little more about the characters and they are explored with a little more depth. Ironically, the more I enjoy this show the more I wish it had never been made. Steven McHale, who plays the main dude, was slated to play the main dude on an American version of The IT Crowd. The more I enjoy this show and Steve’s part on it, the more I realize how awesome he would have been as the main character on The IT Crowd. Grade: C+

FlashForward - I was originally going to take a pass on this show, but a couple of very different individuals recommended it to me. I figured that something that appealed to both of them (Clint and Rick, for those of you that remember such people) had to have something going for it. I was less than entirely enthusiastic about the plot, wondering “What can they really do with that on an artistic?” Well, the answer is an intriguing drama that looks at self-determination, accountability, and fighting against fate. It still doesn’t classify as “thoughtful”, but there is at least enough of that in there to keep it interesting. Grade: A-

Fringe - Around halfway into the last season, when John Scott made his disappearance, I decided to stop watching this show. I was convinced to give it another chance by overhearing a conversation about it. It’s a good thing I did, because the show has gotten a lot better. While there are some seriously twisted minds writing for the show and grossing out the viewers for grossness sake, the overarching plot is becoming increasingly interesting and complex. To wit, John Scott started out a hero, but then we discover was a double agent. Then we find out that he was a triple agent trying to ferret out the double agents. Then we find out that the double agents could credibly make a case that they were preparing humanity for an oncoming war, which would make them protectors of humanity. And with so much left unknown, you know there’s a lot more to it than that. Grade: B+

How I Met Your Mother - The New Yorker, I think it was, pointed to this show and compared it to Friends to point out how much better television has gotten. While I think I like The Big Bang Theory a little more, How I Met Your Mother is probably the best comedy on television right now. The characters are so-so at times, but the overall narrative is phenomenal. The only thing that prevents it from being an “A” is the lack of credibility behind Ted The Professor. Grade: A-

The Office - People are finally starting to talk about this show again, which is a credit to the writers that for a lesser series would be in auto-pilot by now. The “lesson” for the show this season is that while being cynical of management is easy, being a manager isn’t. People complain about the prickification of Jim Halpert, but I think that it’s a natural direction for the show to go. And what he did to Ryan was sufficiently classic to give him a pass for a lot of prick-like behavior. Grade: B+

Parks & Recreation - This is another one that has grown on me. It’s part-and-parcel a ripoff of The Office in so many ways, but I have no problem with exploiting a formula that works. It has the advantage of being a bit fresher with a bunch of new characters to get to know, which makes this show’s B+ less impressive than The Office’s. Even so, I look forward to it week in and week out. Grade: B+

Two and a Half Men - The show that just will not die. It’s creatively been out of juice for quite some time, but it stays just funny enough to continue watching. Clint likens the show to junk food. In small quantities it is very appealing, but you get too much of it and it will make you sick and will stop tasting good. I can’t decide if it’s that there are too many episodes or if the newer episodes just aren’t as good as the older ones. Grade: C-

White Collar - This one was a little gem. Another good combination of episode-to-episode plots and longer story arcs. It also has a pleasantness to it that make it feel a little different (I think that’s one of the things that fueled Monk’s popularity). After the plot of that last episode, though, they have be dying to know what’s next. There had better be a “next”. Grade: B

V - I’m enjoying this show well enough, though it wasn’t worth Dr. Juliet Burke’s life. I think that the show may have been a bit more interesting if the aliens were slightly less obviously evil. But having accepted the 70’s premise for what it is, the execution of fantastic. Grade: B

-{Shows I Should Be Watching}-

The Good Wife - Clancy took an immediate liking to this show and so it has become one that we watch together. However, we haven’t been making the time to actually watch it. I’ve seen about four episodes and I’m enjoying it. There’s a good mixture of episode drama that gets resolved by the end of the hour and the ongoing storylines of the case against the main character’s husband. It’s also good to see Josh Charles in something. It’s overdue. Grade: B+/A-

Cougar Town - I’ve only seen one episode and was torn on it. I’m obviously not the target audience, though. Clancy also watched it and she declared this as one that she’s interested in watching. So it’s one of those that I will watch if she and I ever get around to it, but otherwise I won’t make a particular point of seeing. Grade: TBD

Modern Family - I’ve only seen one episode of this show as well, for the same reasons that I’m behind on The Good Wife. This one I really did like, however. The mockumentary style is quickly becoming cliched, but it’s still a good storytelling device that can get you in the heads of the characters (or at least introduce you to their self-preceptions). An interesting cast of characters with actors with varying degrees of familiarity make it seem to succeed where The Middle failed. Grade: TBD

-{Shows I Am No Longer Watching}-

Accidentally on Purpose - This was the hardest one to drop and I may end up giving it another shot down the line. Once again, this is a case where I am really not the target audience. But Jenna Elfman is Jenna Elfman, with Grant Show thrown in for good measure. Ultimately, I don’t care all that much for the baby’s father and that’s really hindering my enjoyment of the program. I also don’t like the girlfriends of Elfman’s character, either. Grade: C

Hank - Ahhh, what I would give to have Back To You back on the air. Kelsey Grammar is wasted on this family comedy with wisecracking kids and the wife who always knows better. I gave it one and a half episodes. Grade: F

The Middle - Ahhh, what I would give to have Back To You back on the air. While not as bad as Hank, it’s a wasted vehicle for former BtY star Patricia Heaton. While it’s not as uncreative as a lot of family comedies, it seems to be picking up where Malcolm in the Middle left off and it has come up short in comparison. Maybe when I actually have a family, I will be more interested in the family comedies again. But this one didn’t do it for me. Grade: D+

As mentioned before, the Indianapolis Colts choked up a game trying to keep their players healthy for the playoffs. Most commentators are upset about it, though some have defended it. My father-in-law chalks it up to strategy that makes sense given the rules of the game, namely because having accomplished home-field advantage nothing matters until the playoffs. Others say that it was a bad move because the hit their morale takes (not just losing a game, but losing one that they could win) makes it less rather than more likely that they will win the Superbowl.

I think most of these people miss the point. DamnYankee, a commenter on Ta-Nahisi Coates’s blog, gets it:

The issue is not whether this makes it more likely or less likely that they win the Super Bowl, but rather that things other than playoffs should matter!. That some people can even say that taking a loss makes perfect sense because it doesn’t affect their playoff standings is symptomatic of the problems that playoff-obsession cause.

This isn’t an argument before or against playoffs in general. Rather, it’s that there ought to be different avenues of success. This can be accomplished within a playoff structure. Unfortunately, it’s often the case that playoff systems take on a life of their own and other goals, like division titles and victories over rivals, begin to matter less.

Whatever my criticisms of the NFL playoff model, going undefeated remains a victory apart from Super Bowl victories. This should be preserved. The Indianapolis Colts (or more preciisely, their coach) should be shamed for what they did. I hope that the morale hit they took takes all of the wind out of their season and they lose in the first or second round of the playoffs.

(I just hope they don’t lose in favor of an 8-8 Super Bowl Champion)

Two of my big gifts this Christmas have been laptops. I gave one to my parents to accompany their main gift of a wireless router. I ended up getting two older used computers, one of which was to go to them. Unfortunately, both had mild problems. Then I won a free laptop, but it too developed problems. Somewhere along the line, Clancy’s computer developed problems.

Now, when I say “problems” I am using the term pretty loosely. They all work. One has a disc drive that works unless you’re trying to install an OS. One has a sticky keyboard. One has a hardware fault that won’t let Windows run on it but does work with Linux. Clancy’s old computer started overheating, though I think I got that under control. I can get all of these computers working, but the margin of error for my parents is much smaller than for me because they don’t immediately know how to work around them and don’t have the redundancy.

In the process of trying to figure out which computer they should get and attacking the various problems developing with my fleet of older computers, I discovered that Clancy needed a better computer than she has because of her tendency to tax computer resources with scores of open Firefox tabs. So I found a great deal on eBay for a replacement for her for a computer that could at least be upgraded into what she needed.

Of course, this meant taking two computers down from Cascadia to Delosa, one for her and one for my parents. And because she was a recipient, I couldn’t tell Clancy what I was doing. So I hid one in my Falstaff duffle bag. I told her that I was concerned about spending too much time on the laptop while visiting family, so I would only take the one going to the folks. Meanwhile, I hid the second in my duffel bag. I also had to hope she didn’t realize that I was giving away her superior laptop and relegating her to an inferior one (were I not getting her a newer one, I mean).

When we passed through security at the airport, I made sure to separate myself from her so that I could lay out the two laptops without her noticing. On the plane, I used her laptop, telling her that it was the folks’. When we arrived in Colosse, I hid the folks’ and used hers. She thought I was using theirs. They thought I was using my own. The day before Christmas, I packed theirs up in an Amazon box that arrived with books.

Meanwhile, I found out that the underlying reason for my parents’ new laptop was moot. Dad went and bought himself a wireless router. He said that he would buy a computer to go with it at some point, but for now he got a really good deal on the router. I suggested that maybe I would want to buy the router off him. Mainly, I didn’t want him to go buy a netbook or something while I was around to help him set it up.

The parents were suitably surprised and Dad still wanted to give me the wireless router, which I have no idea what I’m going to do with. While nobody was looking, I took the box I had wrapped my parents’ computer in and placed Clancy’s new computer in there. She, too, was suitably surprised.

So now I have an excess of mostly-working laptops and one too many wireless routers. The former is the cost of thriftiness. Having mostly-working laptops suits me just fine because I can work around whatever the problem is. Besideswhich, ThinkPads stopped coming out with S-Video Out ports, which I need for my TV hookup. With the exception of the Linux machine (which doesn’t output due to driver limitations), I have good redundancy if one of them kicks the bucket. Also, if the overheating problem occurs with Clancy’s old computer, I have a replacement.

Poor Clancy knew that I was a computer guy when I met her, but never imagined having this many around. I attribute a lot of it to a need to use what I have. It’s how I have kept so many desktops operative and now it’s occuring with laptops. One has a busted monitor but otherwise works. One requires Linux but otherwise works. One has a sticky keyboard but otherwise works. One has a slightly faulty disc drive but otherwise works. She also has an old laptop that is almost entirely dysfunctional, but I’m pretty sure I can get some old version of Linux running on it.

I have no idea what I will do with it… but then again, that’s not really the point.

When we came through for Thanksgiving, we visited a lot of friends. This time around, not so much. I am trying to get more time in with the family since I’m not sure we’ll be around next holidays.

When it comes to inlaws, I realize that I drew a good hand with mine. Even so, there’s only so much of Professor Himmelreich Dispenses His Views On Everything that one can take before one needs to be alone for a spell to remember that one has one’s own opinions.

My cell phone data connection has been spotty in Bavariana (eastern Delosa). I don’t know whether to blame the phone or AT&T. It’s an inconvenient time to try to sort it all out.

While visiting the extended inlaws in Genesis, Clancy and I were relegated to the bedroom of her cousin’s tot daughter. I found myself sleeping in a bed with ballerina covers and a Hannah Montana picture pasted to the headboard.

I got the little girl in trouble when I asked where the toilet paper was. Apparently, her mother had told her to put some TP in her bathroom. She had done so. I had just missed it by looking everywhere except where it was. I will have to do more than a “guy glance” in the future to avoid getting little girls in trouble with her parents.

As expected, the Indianapolis Colts pulled their starters from their game against the New York Jets and subsequently sullied their previously undefeated record with a loss. Having clinched homefield advantage in the playoffs, what reason did they have to care? Ahhhh, NFL playoffs.

For reasons I will eexxplain tomorrow, I am using Clancy’s (old/former) computer for the duration of the trip. Her computer is funnctional, but has one majjor problem: the keyboard is a litttttle sensitive. I get double letters. This wasn’t a probblem for Clancy because sshe was not a particularly fast typist, but I am just fast enough for it to be a problem. This coomputer was supposed to go to my parents, but didn’t becaussee Mom is as fast a typist as I am or maybe faster (though sshe says II am fasster).

Snoring is apparently contagious. I am a snorer when I sleep on my back. Clancy has also developed a bit of a snoring problem this trip since she’s been so stuffed up. I had to elbow Mom when she was snoring in church. I am typing this right now next to a snoring canine.

There’s only a few letters of difference between snoring canine and snorting cocaine. I confused myself there for a minute.

My flight home is going to suck. Or rather, waiting to get through security is going to suck. Thank you Mr. Terrorist Man. Thank you TSA.

There’s a commercial on TV telling people that they can get a new TV and computer and improve their credit at the same time. I’m not as put off my consumerism and advertising as a lot of people, but pitching irresponsible behavior to people that already have irresponsible habits under the guise of the irresponsible behavior being responsible is particularly repulsive.

It’s 3am and there is no episode of Law & Order on. That’s just wrong.

One of the earlier memories of my life is watching Frosty the Snowman on TV at home. I remember when Frosty melted, I started crying uncontrollably. Dad, who was never a fan of his sons crying, tried to tell me that everything would work out. I was not soothed. I continued to cry. And cry. And cry. Even when Santa resurrected Frosty, I just wouldn’t stop crying. I remember trying to explain that even if you came back to life, the whole process of dying is terrible. At leas that is the level of thinking that I retroactively assign to myself.

Anyway, I’m not sure how the next part happened. Mom said something to the effect of, “Something’s wrong, Bill.” Presumably, something other than having witnessed what must have been an extraordinarily painful death of a lovable Christmas icon. Anyway, she asked me to take off my shirt. And sure enough, that’s how they determined that I had chicken pox.

I guess that was the reason for my increased moodiness. I was, on the whole, a pretty happy kid. I didn’t generally cry unless I wanted something or my feelings were hurt (Mom tells me I didn’t cry when I broke my arm). I guess it was somewhat unlikely for me to freak out at the temporary death of an obviously fictional character in a cartoon. Maybe I had a history of being cranky when I was sick when I was younger. Also playing a factor is that if Chicken Pox had been going around my school, Mom would have been one of the first to know about it. So maybe she put two and two together.

I don’t remember much about having Chicken Pox, other than the vague memory of itching. All I remember is the Death of Frosty the Snowman and how I was diagnosed.

My clothes have been abusing me.

Well, not my clothes exactly, but things that I wear. My tortured history with contact lenses have been discussed here and there, but I’m not even talking about them this time.

The first culprit is my watch. I put it on and it seems like half the time I end up with an extremely ugly rash within some period of time. One time it took less than a day. Another time it took a couple days, though maybe it was fine until it went on the attack on the last day when the rash appeared.

Further, the rash takes more than a couple of days to go away. I switch my watch to the other wrist, but it’s never comfortable there and before too long (a lighter) rash appears there, too. But then I’ll go and wear it for several days and nothing would happen.

At this point, it would probably be worth the $10-15 it would cost to replace it. At least these aren’t turning my wrists green.

The second culprit has been a pair of tennis shoes I bought a year ago. The shows are never uncomfortable. They don’t seem to bite or pinch in the slightest. Until I’ve been wearing them a couple of days and then my toes are in horrible shape. At that point, it doesn’t matter whether I am wearing the tennis shoes or my trusty boots or something else.

Logically, it makes much more sense to celebrate the gift-giving season in January. You often get much better deals. Shopping isn’t as crowded, either. Imagine the headaches it would save if you would just celebrate holidays a month after everybody else.

As tempted as I may be by the notion, though, I consider it a horrid idea. That everyone else celebrates a gift-giving holiday in December, regardless of the rationale, means that the season transcends the acts of giving gifts and visiting family, which of course can be done every year. Instead, part of it’s value is the societal participation aspect of it. It’s not a mutual contract between friends, but a contract with society as a whole. You become a part of something larger. To sacrifice all that in favor of saving a few bucks or a few headaches is not remotely worth it. Sometimes, it’s better to just let go and embrace the irrationality.

The same, sadly, is true of Valentine’s Day.

In response to my recent post about dressing and acting respectable:

Sheila Tone: I think a lot of people from nice backgrounds believe dressing down is a way of showing solidarity with the poor. They also enjoy the idea that they can trick others.

Dave: David Brooks famously noted that BoBos (his term; essentially SWPLs with money) will borrow fashions from a foreign peasant — maybe a Guatemalan poncho, for example — but never from poor American whites.

W: That’s obvious, Dave, because a rich SWPL dressing like a poor white could actually be mistaken for a poor white.

I am inclined to believe that it has more to do with “tricking others” than showing any sort of solidarity, though I don’t know that they would necessarily view it that way. I think a lot of it relates to the decision of informality. I think of the whole Casual Monday-Friday phenomenon in the office place and I think that more of it has to do with attitude than actual comfort. At least for guys. Maybe I’m an outlier here, but I simply do not believe that jeans are any more comfortable than slacks. In the south, they’re less comfortable due to the heat. But people prefer them regardless and I believe they do in large part because wearing casual clothing, whether comfortable or not, allows people to feel more relaxed.

I’m not sure I’m entirely on board with the notion that whites don’t dress as poor whites. At least not as it relates to young people. Wearing blue collar shirts (”Gas Station Shirts”, as I used to call them, even though they typically were not actual gas station shirts) was a fad for a while. I was a fan of this fad because I knew a great place in Phillippi where I could get said shirts for $2-3 a piece. This may have had more to do with the solidarity that Sheila refers to. On the other hand, they were typically worn by people that are most diametrically opposed to poor whites in terms of philosophy and politics. Additionally, in Delosa it’s not too uncommon for people to “dress cowboy” if they are remotely in to country music.

What’s interesting about both the blue collar shirts and dressing western is that, though people across the economic spectrum do it, you often see key distinctions between between the way that people that dress that way out of necessity or actual cultural placing and the people that dress that way just because. For instance, I was terrible at the Gas Station Shirt fad because I insisted on tucking my shirt in and that ran contrary to the norms. A good portion of the time not only are the shirts untucked, but they are unbottoned with a shirt underneath (this I could do - so long as there was something between my belt and my body other than my pants). Well-to-do people that wear the cowboy wear are conspicuous because their shirts and even jeans always seem to be well-pressed.

Now, this either defeats the purpose or is part of the package. It’s sort of a way of showing solidarity or at least taking off airs, but in a way that suggests “I am not really one of them. “

Slate discusses the idea of “critic-proof films” while going after the absolute worst ’successful’ films of 2009.

They have an odd idea of critic-proof. For my money, the Night at the Museum sequel was (while not as good as the first) precisely what it advertised: a weird, wild romp through all sorts of odd stuff set in the Smithsonian. I would probably have given it about a 70% rating or so.

The next down on their list has to be GI Joe. This one smacks of “potential.” They had a decent premise to start an action movie, screwed up one part by making them an “International” force rather than “Real American Heroes”, and screwed up a second time in plot direction. The rash of odd things appearing in the movie looked like someone sat down in front of their old toy box and started pulling out random toys to toss into the movie. Aerotech fighter plane (complete with PPC weaponry)? Check. Halo-ish power armor? Check. Some weird submarine thing? Check. Big crazy plane that looks vaguely like a Blackbird (which were produced for any number of toy lines, including the old GI Joe)? Check. I kept looking around half expecting to see the Sandcrawler, er “GI Joe Mobile Command Center“, somewhere in the film. What was really jarring, however, was the fact that great actors (Brendan Frasier got a mere cameo and the line “yeah, they’re Joes”: he should have been STARRING, it would have made a hilarious movie) got passed up, lame/wooden actors got lead parts, and the storyline scenes were ripped wholesale, storyboard and all right from other movies (up to, and including, a scene near the end of the movie where two ninjas fight each other in the middle of a cylindrical generator with lightning sparking all around, and the Black Ninja pulls a second sword and sticks the two hilts together to form a Darth Maul-ish double bladed sword… oh BTW, Ray Park, who played Darth Maul except for getting his voice dubbed over, is the White Ninja).

As for Couples Retreat and Paul Blart… I stayed away. Wisely, from what I have heard out of people who did go. And of course their “maybe, could be” list also includes the incoherent, bizarre X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the vaguely anti-catholic and just plain pathetic Angels and Demons, and the second installment in the spawn-of-buffy (thank you, Joss Whedon, for permanently making vampires lame) “homoerotic, sparkling vampires and the lame whiny schoolgirls who pine after them” Twilight series.

And what starts off Slate’s article? Why, they’re talking about the sequel to 2007’s Alvin & The Chipmunks, a CGI monstrosity the likes of which normally kill franchises, and the inevitable followup to the fact that the previous CGI-ified series to make the plunge was Garfield, which has a few decades of nonstop goodwill, nostalgia and familiarity and can recover from viewers’ feelings of betrayal simply by popping up the next morning unchanged in the newspaper.

Slate’s underlying premise is that there are films that the critics will hate (or at least “not like enough”) while still being popular. For example, the first Star Wars got passed over by the Academy, while this piece of almost-incoherent, highly depressive dreck got four to prove that critics love it when films get all dark and needlessly emo with a side order of neurosis. While I cannot disagree with the premise, I think it proves itself in their article. Of the list they provide, I can find at least one that I got some enjoyment out of, and one that has serious potential for becoming a cult classic (I can see, ~5 years from now, organized parties in which we shout the original lines for whatever scene is being wholesale ripped off, or some other inane comments, when rewatching GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra. “Great shot kid, that was one in a million” comes to mind for some reason I can’t seem to explain…).

Sitcoms are, in general, less plotcentric than are dramas. All you need is a weak premise, some way for the characters to know one another and a context with which to interact, and you’re more-or-less set.

Watching last week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother reminded me of a premise that has largely and almost certainly forever will be unused: the office smoker’s circle. The context is perfect. You can throw together characters from different backgrounds relatively easily. Warehouse workers next to officer workers and in some cases higher-ups.

One of my complaints about The Office, and it’s not entirely a complaint because my idea is objectively no better than theirs, but it’s that the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin is a relatively small and close-knit group. I would love to see an office comedy akin to those IBM commercials about a large, corporate setting. The problem with that is that you can get stuck in whichever department you put the employees in. Make it about IT workers and you get an IT-oriented comedy. Even something more general like HR (which is the route Drew Carey took) can leave humorous stones unturned.

However, if you throw together a handful of employees from different groups, you can cover a wider area of office inanity. The best way to do that is either some cafeteria lunch table (though people are most likely to sit with those that they work with) or carpooling (which has been done, but not in an office comedy). Or… well… smokers. When I was at Monmark-Soyokaze, I was a tester hanging out with developers, the shipping manager, the VP of marketing, phone support, and so on. At Mindstorm it was more limited, but still I met and talked to a group of other people I never would have met (despite the fact that by that point I had greatly reduced my cigarette consumption). At Wildcat I got to know the head of Assembly, some welders, the Chief Project Manager, and so on.

It’s a great premise, though it will almost certainly never be used for the most obvious of reasons: it promotes smoking. Or at the very least, it provides an acceptable face for it that everybody from government to health interest groups to the public at large is trying to push to the fringes of society. Maybe that can be overcome by, whenever a cast member leaves, they suddenly die of lung cancer?

I was looking at jobs in the Dent County area, where we may be moving. I was referred to the state employment site, which was not surprising since that appears to be the place to go outside the cities. Before even showing me what jobs were available, they wanted me to answer 100,000 questions outlining my work history and competencies. I expect this sort of crap from profit-seeking entities that want something for something, but state employment sites should not be so stingy.

In preparation for a potential move, Clancy went to one of those price-quote sites. This has lead to a whole lot of phone calls that we would rather not receive, even though she expressly unchecked the button regarding whether or not to call us. Very annoying.

I forgot that there are two real-life places named Las Vegas. Clancy got a call about a job opening at one. I ignored it because I thought they were talking about Sin City West, where we have no interest in relocating for a couple of reasons. I did not realize until later that they were probably talking about the other one. Oops.

Bowl season has started! Every year, my father, my brothers and I have a cashless pool to determine the victors of all 34 games. Though nothing is at stake except bragging rights, it gives us various teams to root for. In the Wyoming vs. Fresno State game, I rooted for Wyoming even though I bet on Fresno. The reason being is that each game is given an amount of weight. Everybody else bet on Fresno, too, but they bet with more confidence points than I did. So if Wyoming wins, I lose less than everybody else and come out ahead. {note: This was written before Wyoming won an unbelievably awesome game}

Speaking of our bowl pool, our winner last year was Dad. I accepted defeat gracefully. Then I found out this week that he had no guessing technique and basically picked the teams he wanted to win and in games where he didn’t care he picked more-or-less randomly. Ouch.

The neighborhood convenience store gave me a $5 will about 1/5 torn off the end. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was able to isolate that they were the culprits. Now nobody, including them, will take that $5 bill. Looks like I’m going to have to eat it.

I’m a terrible shopper. I bought a bunch of power supplies because my two power supplies for my ThinkPads both busted. Annoying. Unfortunately, I didnFurther, the ones I ordered are inconveniently three-prong. Very annoying. Then I went online to see how much it would cost to get the right ones and discovered that the ones I bought were $15 more a piece than the ones I wanted. Relatedly, I found out this week that Dad already bought for himself what I got him for Christmas… and paid 1/3 the price for it.

I don’t know what’s more sad, that a bank has issued a 79% APR credit card, or that it’s actually a marked improvement over what they had previously been doing.

I was not due to try Linux again until early next year, but circumstances intervened. On one of my laptops, Windows just flat stopped working with Blue Screens of Death appearing about twice a day. I tried reinstalling Windows and nothing. Linux, however, once installed, it extraordinarily stable. So whether I want one or not, I’ve got a Linux machine. Being unable to just go back and install Windows again may prove to be beneficial if I ever actually want to learn the OS.

Clancy went on a late-night walk around East Oak to get some exercise. She asked me if she had anything to worry about walking around so late. I meant to tell her that the only thing she had to fear was the cops. They get nervous with late-night strollers because of the Youth Town. Though Clancy looks younger than she is, she’s not likely to be mistaken for one of them. I was approached by the cops once, though not because they thought I was a juvie (though I was a teenager). I was delivering the local newsletter. Something about a big guy wearing black carrying a huge black bag caught their attention.

Is it me, or does the mug in the header picture look like it’s photoshopped in? It’s not. Reminds me of when I was told I should stop using WordArt for logos when the logo in question was one of the relatively few at the time where I was not using WordArt. I’ve since scaled back on my WordArt usage, though I have not found a particular good replacement (yet).

Well, not “live” per se, since I’m watching a recording.

0:00 - An old guy is talking about how great snow is. Having been raised in the south, I have a hick’s apprecition of snow. However, I can’t say that appreciation is uniform. I’m also skeptical of the notion that it eliminates the tensions that exist between opposing groups such as mailmen and pets.

1:00 - It’s snowing outside, yet the kids at the school are using the fogged windows to spear images of… snowflakes? I suppose it’s good to know that creativity was killed well before the Nintendo came along.

1:30 - Humorous antics of an inept magician. Ha, ha.

2:15 - The conflation of crosseyed with being stupid, weird, or crazy is notably politically incorrect.

2:22 - The kids assault the poor magician on their way out of class. Hooligans.

2:37 - A boy is sledding across the snow in a way that defies even creative laws of physics. There is no force behind his momentum.

3:12 - Under ordinary circumstances, it would be inadvisable for kids to develop an attachment to a non-sentient creature that will die a horrible death when it warms up. On the upshot, the fact that snowmen are not sentient saves them a lot of pain in the end, no?

3:22 - Ten seconds before, the kids named the snowman Frosty. Within those short ten seconds, they compose a song dedicated to him. Maybe kids were more creative prior to the Nintendo.

3:43 - Frosty is born from sin. The kids had no right to take that magic hat from the magician they assaulted earlier. The kids claim he “threw it away”, but that does not stand up to even a minimum of scrutiny.

4:55 - The magician is trying to have it both ways. He wants the hat because he’s magic, but he claims that the hat couldn’t have brought Frosty to life because snowmen can’t come to life. He can’t have it both ways. Actually, he can, because it’s his hat.

5:00 - Pre-hat, Frosty had no legs. He grew them when he came to life. When the hat came off and he was no longer sentient, the legs are still there. The kids could really impress people if they convinced everyone that they made a snowman with legs. If they were smart, that is.

5:33 - The narrator (with an animated cell mouth several shades lighter than the rest of him) explains, with absolutely no justification, that the hat did belong to Frosty and the children, thereby justifying the bunny’s theft of the hat. Communists.

6:35 - Frosty speaks English (though not mathematics). That’s fortunate for everybody involved.

7:50 - The temperature on the thermometer is rising with unrealistic rapidity. The winter wonderland in the background of this has snow everywhere, but it was explained at the opening of the piece that it was the “first snow”. Man, talk about weather shifts. This must take place in the interior northwest.

8:47 - Frosty is leading a parade of utter destruction and chaos through town that is adversely affecting everyone that witnesses it, as though he were a curse or the product of black magic. Passerbies run into one another, a guy gets his moustache chopped off, and a cop swallows his whistle.

11:35 - Frosty and the kids are at the train station and the clerk refuses to let them on because they have no money. That’s all well and good, but then the clerk closes the entire stand! What about other customers? They apparently fall victim to the curse of Frosty.

12:20 - The kids decide to hop on a train illegally. The girl says she can as long as she’s back before dinner. The odds of going to the North Pole and making it back by dinner are miniscule. Further, they’re excited to be in a train car with ice cream and frozen cake. Presumably to illegally consume. Frosty is guilty of contributing to the delinquency of minors. Bad, bad Frosty. Then again, before Frosty was built, they had already demonstrated themselves to be hooligans.

13:28 - The magician is reiterating his need to get his hat back and hops on the train. He then says, repeatedly, “Think nasty”. WHAT?!

14:00 - The cakes are mysteriously gone from the train car.

15:00 - They’re stranded out in the cold. The little gurl is freezing to death. I’m not sure a giant, frozen creature holding her is the best idea. Of course, maybe it’s the best of a bunch of bad options. I guess Frosty, less than 24-hours old, can’t be held entirely accountable for having a poor future time-orientation.

18:15 - The magician is back and he spit out the campfire. That was a pretty lame move since, at least theoretically, he needs heat, too. The magician catches up with them yet again and locks Frosty in a greenhouse. Stupidly, he locks himself out. So not only is he going to be really cold, but he can’t even get his hat back!

20:33 - Frosty is melted. They didn’t show it, of course, but to imagine it is traumatic enough. As a kid, I imagined it and bawled my eyes out and did not stop even when Santa brought him back to life. I think I’ve had it in for this cartoon ever since. Hence this post.

22:30 - Santa blackmails the magician into giving up his claim on the hat. This constitutes a happy ending.

23:42 - You’d think Santa would have other things to be doing for Christmas.

24:14 - The Christmas Parade of Doom is declared to become an annual affair. I suppose this isn’t too terrible a thing because, as people get used to it, they won’t injure and main themselves in surprise. So “yay” and all that.

Over at CNN, an opinion piece by Bob Greene asks: why is the ’standard’ football tackle an endangered species?

Greene asks a few people. Bob Costas believes it’s because safety equipment lets young, stupid (and boy are the just-out-of-coasting-through-college types ever stupid!) players feel even more invincible than young, stupid males already stereotypically feel. Thus, they turn themselves into human wrecking machines, ignoring the damage to their own bodies.

Al Michaels and Andrea Kremer posit the thought that it’s simply an evolution of the game. The players are bigger, faster, stronger. However much of it is improved training techniques, however much is artificially drug-induced, the fact is that the “bigger, faster, stronger” players are out there. Combine that with the goal:

He said that, although archetypal tackling still goes on, there is an irrefutable competitive reason for defenders hurling themselves into ball carriers instead of trying to pull them down.

“The idea is to separate the runner from the ball,” he said. “This is the way it’s done.”

Meaning the potential payoff from a standard tackle is not as great as the potential game-changing payoff from a speeding body hurtling into a ball carrier.

There’s a third possibility nobody’s considered here: the game is changing because the bone-crunching hits are exceedingly popular when compared to a plain old tackle. Look at Youtube, ESPN clip reels, 10 o’clock clip reels, and any other clip reels out there. For the aforementioned young/dumb males that comprise the starting lineup, seeing themselves on the clip reel has got to be absurdly satisfying. For the players, coaches and team, publicity is good - the more face/name time you get on clip reels and sports shows, the higher your profile, the bigger your endorsement deals.

I do also think that Costas and Al Michaels had it right: this isn’t a new phenomenon. The NFL was advertising the physical damage done to their players, as a selling point, at least as far back as 1992.

Part I: La Courneuve to Midlerth - How we ended up in Midlerth to begin with.

Part II: Moving In - They forgot to put a lock on the door, cannot honor the lease that we signed, but suggest that it’s not their problem.

Part III: Thrice Evicted - They used eviction notices as a form of conversation.

Part IV: 54% - They raised rent 54% over the course of 6 months.

Part V: The Tow Job - They don’t have the time and resources to fix the access gate, but they do have the time and resources to have my roommate’s car towed out of the parking space that we’re paying for due to a civic infraction.

-{Part I: La Courneuve to Midlerth}-

I lived in two apartments in Colosse, excluding the dorm rooms and when I was living in John Fustle’s house for a few months.

The first complex was La Courneuve (”Lacko”). Lacko was in a reasonably nice part of town, but it was itself pretty run down. Very spacious and affordable (1600 sqft for $750/mo), though. It was managed by some Chinese firm that we rarely dealt with. The front office people were… okay. Most of the time we dealt with a thirty-something single mom. It was only when we moved in our next apartment complex that I realized how good they were in retrospect.

Karl and I moved out of Lacko when Dennis skipped town and we needed to get a cheaper place. Well, we didn’t actually need to. In retrospect, it would have been cheaper to stick around. More on that in a minute. We looked at a number of apartments and found Midlerth Estates. Our Midlerth apartment was smaller (1100 sqft), but it was cheaper and had electricity included ($829/mo). The electricity arrangements were temporary, but they said that it would be offset by a decrease in rent.

What we didn’t know until we signed the bottom line was that Midlerth was run by an apartment chain that made Lacko look really good in comparison. To be fair, though, this was something that we should have realized early on.

-{Part II: Moving In}-

The first problem was that the apartment we were all set to move into did not have a lock on the front door. It looked like it had been busted into at some point and they hadn’t bothered to fix it and must have just forgotten about it until someone was looking at moving in. This wasn’t as much a problem for us as the next bit, which is that they were not sure when they would be able to fix it (a few days, most likely), but that we could not move in until they did. Even when we said that we were willing to risk it (Karl was unemployed and could stand guard), they said that insurance wouldn’t allow for it.

This created a huge problem for us because we had already agreed to leave the old complex by such-and-such date. We gave ourselves four days to move and if “a few days” meant more than two, what the heck were we supposed to do. They said that was something we had to figure out. This did not strike us as fair because we had a lease saying that the apartment was ours starting on such-and-such plus four. We decided that regardless of what they told us, we were going to move in on the agreed upon date. The doors were unlocked. What, were they going to call the police on us? Looking back, that may have been a fool’s wager. But it worked out.

-{Part III: Thrice Evicted}-

The next series of problems occurred when they updated their software. For whatever reason, Karl was the primary renter. Since I was better with money, I wrote the checks. This had never been a problem. But suddenly it was. And with no warning, I came back one day and got an eviction notice on my door three days after rent was due. Apparently, their new software couldn’t handle one person being the primary renter and another person writing the checks, so their records did not indicate that our rent had not been paid. As we would come to discover, eviction notices were their primary form of informing you that your rent was past-due.

We got that straightened out and they said that they would take care of it in the future. The next month and there was another eviction notice. We went down there and had the exact same conversation with a new staff. Since the staff had 100% turnover and I didn’t want the next set of underlings to make the same mistake, I spoke to the manager.

We asked that they put my name as the primary renter so that I can write the checks, but they said that they couldn’t do that because we were already under lease.

He basically said that if I didn’t want another eviction notice, I would have to hand-deliver the check and sit with the employees while they inserted it into the computer.
In fact, both Karl and I had to be there, because for some reason he had to sign off on the fact that I was paying his rent. Both Karl and I were working and their office hours were from 10-3:30 M-F. But we managed.

When our lease ended (more on this later), we asked that they put my name down as the primary renter. I explained the situation to the new new new person and she, then the very manager we had talked to before, said that it doesn’t matter who the primary renter is as long as the check is written by a tenant or has the apartment number on it. And no, they couldn’t change the primary renter’s name without signing a new lease. But don’t worry about it, he said, because as long as the rent is paid there will be no eviction notices and we wouldn’t need to be there to make sure it is properly assigned. The next month, we got an eviction notice.

-{Part IV: 54%}-

When our lease ended, we had decided to move on. My employer had informed me that it was expected that I move closer to the company* and I wanted a little more space and a little more privacy. So we went month-to-month. And month-to-month, we saw our rent increase. Then, after a couple months, they finally stopped including electricity. Rent did not go down and our electricity provider was… the apartment complex. Their rates meant that we were paying more for electricity in that 1100 sqft apartment than our 1600 sqft** Lacko apartment with one less occupant and better insulation.

And every month except when they hit us with the electricity bill, rent went up. In the six months following the expiration of our lease, our rent+utilities had gone up 54% from $830 to $1280. Despite living in a nicer location, my car had been broken into twice (and it had never been broken into at Lacko). Our access gate was perpetually broken.

-{Part V: The Tow Job}-

Then we crossed the New Years and the firm exceeded what were already low expectations. They had my roommates car towed. He wasn’t parked illegally. He wasn’t in the wrong spot. Rather, his car registration had expired at the end of December. They towed his car on January 2nd. No warning and nothing in the lease (we read) about any of this. As best as we can figure, they got some sort of kickback from the towing agency.

All these years later, it still makes me livid thinking about it. These are people that could not find the time to talk to us about a missing rent check or look through the checks to see if there may be one written by someone that is not the primary renter but whose name is nonetheless on the lease and who wrote the apartment number on the check regardless could nonetheless find time to drop a dime to a towing company to take the car of one of their tenants.

I’d lost my job by that point*** and very shortly after that decided that I was not long for Colosse cause of this girl I met named Clancy that I was pretty sure I was going to marry. Ever since then, I’ve made sure that none of the buildings I’ve rented anything from since is owned by that company. A surprising number are.

-{Footnotes}-

* - I had a 30 minute commute to work and a 45 minute commute back, which by Colosse standards was pretty typical. But they didn’t like the fact that it would take me half an hour to get there. They’d given me a raise and said that they expected that to go to better living arrangements.

** - I mention square footage because a bulk of the electricity costs in Colosse is AC. Beyond that, though, we had one fewer occupants (so fewer electronics on at any given time) and insulation at Lacko was ridiculously bad. Though I had no numbers, I was almost certain that our consumption had gone down even as our bill was 50% higher.

*** - Good thing I didn’t move closer to work!

Intercourse With A Vampire, Episode 1

-{via TL}-

1. One of those door-to-door “student” magazine sellers, 23, attacked a suburban woman and tried to rape her:

Cunningham said he had already been investigating the subscription-selling crews, which are typically from out of state and go to various neighborhoods for a short period of time to sell subscriptions on commission.

“They present themselves as students trying to earn points for scholarships,” he said. “In reality, they earn a commission for each sale.”

Criminals are increasingly joining the crews so they can case neighborhoods, burglarize homes, or pocket the cash from subscription sales, he said.

The “student” selling magazines is an old scam. One semester, my college campus got so thick with them (late 20ish guys, mostly) that I couldn’t walk between buildings without getting stopped. Their opening line was, “Have you voted yet?” After spending a few minutes with them, it became clear that one “voted” by buying subscriptions. They’d claim there was a high GPA requirement to get into the “program.” They never had real student IDs.

2. A 20-year-old guy in a remedial community college math class tried to shoot his female teacher because he was unhappy with his grade.

He failed because his gun jammed. He lived in his parents’ basement. No mention of a job. He’d been on the track team in high school.

3. A 28-year-old community college student killed an attractive 20-year-old female student he’d met in theater class.

He also appears to have lived with his parents and had no job. And of course they weren’t romantically involved. He liked to rant on YouTube against atheists and black women (he was black too).

4. One of my most unstable clients in one of my most protracted, hopeless cases can’t possibly go to her court-ordered rehab because … guess why?

That’s right, she’s enrolling in community college, she told me smugly. We’d been discussing two recent arrests for intoxication she wouldn’t admit to until I stuck the criminal dockets in her face. But hey, she’s taking a math class this spring. You go, mom!

This is not surprising. A lot of my worst clients go to the local CC from time to time. It’s particularly popular with my sex offenders, for some reason. They never actually seem to transfer, but they still get to call themselves that magic word.

It’s funny how many people for whom I learn their last name when they friend me on Facebook. Rather, I learn their married last names.

My infatuation with the Dodge Caliber has come to an end. I sat in one at the mall. I’ve never been so scrunched in my life… and I have driven some pretty small cars. The only thing that let me sit-up was the fact that there was a moonroof. This is particularly notable because my knees up against the dashboard wouldn’t let me slouch.

I got my father-in-law Magnum PI for Christmas. I was not expecting a series so old to be so expensive.

I may have gone down another belt notch. It seems dependent on when I last ate.

I saw a movie at the dollar theater. They had an advertisement for St. Jude’s hospital, where they treat people with an inability to pay. Sounds like a pretty worthy cause, but is a dollar theater really the place where you’re going to find people that have the money and the inclination to part with it unnecessarily? Two kinds of people go to dollar theaters: cheap-skates and poor people.

Speaking of the dollar theater, there seems to be a dearth of good movies out there at the moment. You know you’re in trouble with Couples Retreat seems like it might be something worth seeing.

We’ve been doing some investigating into Arapaho, deciding our degree of interest in relocating there. One thing that Clancy discovered is that they take their right to bear arms very, very seriously. I may have to get a gun just to be one of the cool kids.

I took a shopping excursion tonight. Apparently, when my wife said that she wanted a thinger of garlic, she meant that she wanted a thinger of garlic. This caused confusion when I asked where I should put the onion that she requested I buy.

My old ice-scraper fell apart while scraping ice in Estacado of all places. I bought a new one this week, thus assuring that the weather would immediately and steadily stay above freezing. You’re welcome, Soundview.

Some people, when watching a horror movie, try to inform the protagonists of what is happening. “He’s right behind you! Don’t look back!” They never listen. I found myself talking to a character in a book the other night. “He’s a con man! Don’t give him the money!” He didn’t listen, either.

Weird thing I learned today: All four of the major universities in the real-life Dakotas are on the eastern edge of the state. Oregon has all three of their major universities on the west side of their state (within a couple hours of one another), but since that’s where the population is it makes sense. Montana has its two major universities on the western side of the state even though the largest city is on the eastern.