I got a flicker of hope on the real promotion today. Willard and Marcel were talking during break when I made my way over there and Willard quite obviously and visibly killed the conversation and acknowledged with a look that they had been talking about me. A little bit later he said, rather mysteriously, that he wanted me to know that I was in his corner, that he was working for me today, and that he hoped to have some good news for me by the end of the day.

There is still a second slot open. I overheard Fritz, the person in charge of the System Testing Department, talking to someone about it, saying that they hadn’t made a choice yet but were still evaluating the candidates. I’d assumed that they were just working things out with whomever they’d chosen or were dissatisfied with the candidates they’d interviewed so far. The only reason that George would be pulled into a meeting room with the entire ST Department is in reference to the search. One of the other candidates works in George’s department. Then today I noticed Willard missing along with the entire ST Department.

A thin thread of hope that I am still in consideration, but hope nonetheless.

Years ago, Evangeline left me rather suddenly to try to recapture an old flame. It was an excruciating process for me in ways that still hurt to think about. Throughout it all, though, she assured me that things weren’t over between us. She assured me that we still had a chance. Despite my many protestations that she had obviously made her choice, she insisted that she didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. But I could see the writing on the wall quite clearly. Yet as long as she kept hope alive, I couldn’t help but harbor the hope of the possibility of reconciliation. I had to follow it through to the bitter end because it made no sense to me to do anything else. It didn’t last long, but I remember the first thing I felt when it was over was relief. I could quit exhausting myself with distant hope and get on with my life.

I put the pieces together shortly before break. Willard wasn’t talking about helping me get the system testing job, but rather he was following up on a promise he made about trying to get me a raise for time served and the promotion.

When I first got the email announcing Mindy’s promotion, I waited in fear of another one coming with the next candidate. As long as they weren’t negotiating terms with me, then the second candidate (whom I assumed had already been chosing) wasn’t me. Right now every time I get an email I’m hoping that it’s announcing who the second person is so that I can just put this behind me and cross my fingers about the job I really want.