Clancy and I took a trip to Alexandria last week for some health care related issues. Her coworker, Sharon Alvarez, and her husband Jack, were in California taking care of their injured (adult) kid and couldn’t sit the dog. Fortunately, I knew of another neighbor, Buck Branson, who was able to check in and let Lisby out during the day and back in at night. After we got back, Buck stopped by to return the key with cigarette in hand. That latter part is a bit of an issue because we have an enclosed sun-room and the smell lingered throughout the house for a while. Buck has seen me outside smoking and probably thought it was a non-issue. Given the smell of the Branson house (smoke+pets) he has simply lost his sense of smell. Or possibly, it’s that he is of a different generation and has not updated his social convention.
That last one wouldn’t surprise me as a key component. It’s not just that he’s elderly, but he’s rather old school. A right-wing former marine with a door mat espousing his patriotism and contempt for anyone that doesn’t share it. Until recently he was a city councilman and a strong supporter of a far-right candidate for the state house in the last election. But he’s not a bad guy. Very friendly towards me. Even friendly to the guy who lives in the house between us, a gay fellow with alternating colors of dyed hair and ear rings. But he has his people, and if he knew more about me he would probably know that I, like our mutual neighbor, am not really one of them.
Which seems to be how it goes in Callie. I’ve met some pretty great people out here. I’ve met very few rude people. There’s very little to be concerned about. It’s really not a question of whether or not the people here are nice. They are. And I don’t care about the junk in the front yards as such. But they’re emblematic of a background that I was raised apart from. They’re nice, but we’re not their people. They seem to be people that have been in Arapaho for generations. Or people that specifically moved to Callie for things that don’t interest me all that much, like this whole “outdoors” business.
A year has passed since we’ve moved to Callie and I’ve been trying to think of ways to meet people with whom this problem does not exist. Perhaps if we relocate within town (Callie actually has a lot of college grads as a portion of the population) we’ll have neighbors we are more in sync with. I’m still thinking that they exist, if I could only find them. As it stands, I feel like we’re on the losing side of homogeny.
I was counting on the bowling alley. Really counting on it. I didn’t realize how much I was counting on it until I found it out closed about six months before we got here. I was thinking, join a bowling league, get randomly assigned, meet some people. Easy enough! If only there were a bowling alley.
I’ve thought about going to church again. I actually mean to. But Sundays come and go and I end up sleeping in. I am also a bit anxious about joining a church and not liking it there. It’s a small enough town that I would be seeing many perishoners around town, wondering why I haven’t been coming to church lately. I feel like it’s just as well that we sold the car that had the Episcopal shield on it, because I was afraid that I might get recruited.
I thought about Toastmasters once, and even drove to the bank where they hold their meetings, but they didn’t have it that week. I went to a couple of high school football games last year. Had fun, but it was more something to do rather than a social event.
It could be that my social network will end up in Redstone. There are more people and, I would think, clubs that can be joined. Or… something. Redstone is pretty similar, though, that the people that live there are from there. They’re the people that couldn’t leave there, even. Almost everybody our age is married and has kids. And though I’m married, Clancy doesn’t really have time to do couple’s things. And since I’m married, there are a lot of single young male things that I can’t do. And others that I won’t do because I’m not 20 anymore in any event.
It seems increasingly unlikely that we’re going to be staying in Callie. Partially for all of the reasons above, but also due to the job demanding more of Clancy than she’s going to want to be giving once there are kids in the picture.
Of course, the kids might change everything. Social isolation no matter where we are, so less in the way of opportunity costs. Or actually improvement, by being a family in such a family-oriented place. Which wouldn’t be the worst thing since the town is safe and the schools are good. It’s a good community, if we can manage to find our place within it.
A recent thread on Airliners.net discussed Delta Airlines’ plan to drop service to a number of smaller cities around the country. It had “inherited” most of these via its recent acquisition of Northwest Airlines. Many of these cities are basically one-stoplight small communities (I mean, why in the world did Thief River Falls, Minnesota ever have airline service?) But one thing I noted is that the-city-I-am-almost-certain-is-Redstone was one of the larger cities on the list, and according to some responses in the thread made the list at least in part because of its rather weak economy. Just not as much demand for airline service as one would expect from a city that size.
Comment by Peter — July 18, 2011 @ 7:24 pm
I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time finding social outlets in your town. Consider yourself lucky that you’re married to a nice, intelligent person and so have a built-in friend to turn to, although I’m sure you don’t want to be too demanding on her.
My situation is not entirely different, although I lack a spouse or girlfriend. I recently moved to a smaller city than the one in which I did my professional training that has a decidedly religious cast that is different from my own background (agnostic shading to atheist from a much-reviled in some quarters ethno-religious background. Due to a poor job market in my specialty, this is the best professional situation I could hope for, and the job situation is in fact quite desirable. However, the region is more than usually economically depressed, with few jobs to bring in educated younger people. Moreover, the culture is similar to Callie in that people get married here at ages much younger than I currently am. It probably doesn’t matter because most wouldn’t take kindly to hitching up with someone from my background, but I find that depressing to think about under the circumstances.
Anyway, the point of my senseless rambling is that you are not alone in your situation, and I hope you can work something out.
Comment by ? — July 18, 2011 @ 9:02 pm
Peter, we have yet to actually fly out of Redstone. The airport doesn’t have a proper weather tower, and therefore flights get canceled at the first sign of trouble. Also, the cost can be a hundred or two more. I’ll drive a another hour each way for $100-200. So I’m not really surprised that they’re pulling out. Not good for the town, though.
Comment by trumwill — July 18, 2011 @ 11:56 pm
Omega, one of the thoughts I have while assessing the situation is “Well, at least I look right for this town, apart from my clothes.”
On the other hand, we actually have an Iranian doc here, and he loves the place. Hates Redstone, though. Says it reminds him of Tehran (and not the good parts). He met his wife here, so all is not lost.
When we were job hunting, the recruiter told us about another place where she placed a young single doctor, but he left within six months after seeing the lady-offerings of the town.
I do have Clancy, for sure. The only problem is that I don’t get to see her all that much. This would all be easier if she and I had time to do more things together. When she left Estacado to go work in Sierra for a while, I stayed behind (partly for job, also because I found the college town very accommodating). If she left here to go work somewhere else for a while, I wouldn’t stay here by myself.
As in your case, it’s Clancy’s job that brought us here. She has a niche, so unlike with a lot of doctors we can’t really go wherever we want. But we don’t have to stay here. (As I said before, though, our views of the place are subject to change. Her job situation might get better and if we have child-rearing status, that really could change things. We’ll see.)
Comment by trumwill — July 19, 2011 @ 12:03 am
Says it reminds him of Tehran (and not the good parts)
There are good parts of Tehran?
Comment by Peter — July 19, 2011 @ 1:38 am
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest you see your more solitary life out there as more of an opportunity than something to be fixed. Find new things to do that don’t require others. Try to figure out what bugs you about not having much of a friend network nearby and get past it. Read books! I usually find that these types of “problems” resolve themselves after I change the way I look at them.
Comment by Linus — July 19, 2011 @ 10:23 pm
Oh, I’m very good at solitary activities. Which is actually sort of the problem. I suspect that if I needed companionship more, I would go out and find it somehow. Instead, I’m largely content to be by myself… until, a year later, I realize that there’s not enough balance.
Comment by trumwill — July 20, 2011 @ 1:20 am