Anyone remember that “Seinfeld” episode where Kramer put a hot tub in his apartment living room? Did you ever wonder how he actually got it in there?
In the real world, hot tubs don’t fit through doors. The hot tub that was almost mine is inside the living room of a custom-built home, which was built around the hot tub. Anyway, litigation, yadda yadda, husband’s firm now owns this place with a hot tub in the living room. They plan to rent it out, and apparently leaving the hot tub there is not a sensible option, even if Kramer himself were the lessee. The humidity would cause rot and mold.
So, it seemed the sensible thing to do was move the hot tub. What better place than our own backyard? We started making plans for transport. Unfortunately, we discovered there’s no way to get it out in one piece. It will cost us $450 to have it sawed into four pieces and carted away.
It’s not as if hot tubs are ridiculously expensive, the way building a pool is. They start in the low four figures. So if a hot tub were a priority, one could be purchased. But that won’t happen, because once one starts talking actually purchasing a hot tub, it brings up the cumbersome subject of backyard improvement, which involves an in-ground pool with a built-in hot tub and other coordinated, architecturally pleasant amenities that are not happening anytime soon. Mr. Tone has purchased fancy, hardcover books on the subject and drawn up plans on his computer. The serendipitous hot tub would have done an end-run around the whole mess.
I feel like Elaine in that episode where she lost her sandwich card. I don’t want just any hot tub. I want my discarded hot tub.
This post made me think of those stories you hear occasionally, the sort where there’s a 1,000-pound man who hasn’t left the house in years, and when he has to be hospitalized the fire department has to break down a wall because he won’t fit through the door.
Comment by Peter — February 28, 2010 @ 7:16 pm
Sheila, I’ve met the defendant in the case in question, and his girlfriend. I suppose there are skankier dudes than this out there. Lots of tats. Eww. Remember that he made it a point to violate the terms of his parole to come to court and complain about losing his “pscyhedelic rock” when he lost possession of the house. The girlfriend is low- to mid-prole, the type who looks about 15 years older than her actual age.
They’ve probably had sex in that hot tub.
I don’t care how much bleach you might use. You don’t want that hot tub. Get a new one if you want one at all.
Comment by Transplanted Lawyer — February 28, 2010 @ 7:50 pm
I don’t care how much bleach you might use. You don’t want that hot tub. Get a new one if you want one at all.
So it’s cheap, yet contaminated by proles.
Comment by David Alexander — March 1, 2010 @ 1:13 am
So TL, I suppose you and the missus wouldn’t have been joining us for margaritas there on cool summer nights? And probably not the best place to teach the toddler to swim.
Comment by stone — March 1, 2010 @ 7:37 am
They plan to rent it out, and apparently leaving the hot tub there is not a sensible option, even if Kramer himself were the lessee. The humidity would cause rot and mold.
Which makes me wonder what kind of idiot would install it indoors in the living room (instead of, say, at least putting it in the tiled bathroom) in the first place.
Comment by web — March 1, 2010 @ 10:25 am
Moot point, I suppose, since this particular tub would need to be destroyed. But we don’t need a hot tub to enjoy margaritas on a summer night.
Comment by Transplanted Lawyer — March 1, 2010 @ 11:28 pm
Our new house may have a hot tub outside. We’re oddly not sure. We don’t remember seeing one or one being mentioned, but it’s in all of the pictures of the place.
If we end up buying the house in Callie that we’re going to be renting, there is a perfect spot for a pool table downstairs… but we sort of have a similar question: How would we get one down there?
Comment by trumwill — March 2, 2010 @ 10:11 am
Will, I don’t think pool tables come in one piece. You buy them and assemble them. Like dining room tables, you have to put the legs on.
Comment by Sheila Tone — March 2, 2010 @ 11:03 pm
Oh, well that simplifies things. One of the houses we looked at had a pool table, but instead of legs it had a full trunk. I remember wondering how they got it in there (figuring they probably took it apart, but it didn’t look easy). Seems that getting a pool table with legs should be simple enough.
Comment by trumwill — March 2, 2010 @ 11:59 pm