Normally when kid music annoys me, I give it a pass because I’m not the intended audience. But these Weezer guys are older than I am. Rivers Cuomo is 40 and has a toddler. I’ve been hearing them on the radio since I was in college, singing in that snotty little teenage style they have. So no pass, guys.
Whenever the local NPR affiliate does one of its pledge drives, I switch over to the local pop station. It seems like every hour they’ve been playing “I Want You To.” At first I thought I might be misdeciphering the lyrics, then I thought maybe it was one gay dude talking to another:
“So the conversation stopped
And I looked down at my feet.
I was next to you and you were right there next to me
And I said, “Go! If you’re wondering if I want you to,
I want you to,
So make the move,
‘Cause I ain’t got all night.”
No gayness — he’s singing to a girl! What a lazy little turd. I want to grab the collective female audience and shake them: Of course he wants you to. He’s a GUY. It means NOTHING.
I mean, I was willing to walk right up to the door of the car — but the guy better open it up for me and ask me to hop in. Any further effort required on my part was a sure harbinger of doom for the relationship.
For the men, I have the advice I once gave to my little brother: The social penalty for being shot down is virtually nothing for a guy. For a woman, it’s potential ruin. For being a man, being a chicken could mean life on the sidelines. So you really can’t afford not to try.