Clancy: I’m sorry that your tummy is hurting, though I am not sorry if it means that you’re going to be eating hot dogs in the future.
Trumwill: It’ll be a long time before I eat another convenience store hot dog.
Clancy: I can’t say that I have ever wanted to eat a convenience store hot dog.
Trumwill: You don’t know what you’re missing out on.
Clancy: Let’s see. In the last six hours you spent 45 minutes at a rest stop bathroom
Trumwill: Fifty-five. It was 45 from the first discharge to the last. Ten minutes waiting for the first discharge.
Clancy: Lovely… and since then, you haven’t wanted to eat anything…
Trumwill: I may never want to eat anything again. This could make for an innovative weight-loss program!
Clancy: Yeah, okay. Anyway, I’ve never cared much for hot dogs.
Trumwill: I go months without eating them. In fact, it’s probably an indication that my diet has gotten better than my stomach so thoroughly rejected that hot dog.
Clancy: That’s a bright side, I suppose. How long has it been since you had a hot dog?
Trumwill: Cooked? Months.
Trumwill: Well, I had a couple raw hot dogs when I was staying with Clint in Shaston last weekend.
Clancy: You eat uncooked hot dogs?!
Trumwill: They’re fantastic. I’m pretty sure that I am the one that got Clint into it, as well. an instant snack. and they’re pre-cooked, so you don’t have to worry about the bachteria of raw sausage.
Clancy: But how can they possibly taste good?
Trumwill: They just do. a nice, cold snack. Plus, I save carbs by not eating a bun!
Clancy: Fantastic. I just don’t like hot dogs. I prefer sausages. Cooked sausages.
Trumwill: The raw sausages aren’t nearly as good. Don’t ask me how I know that.
Clancy: I don’t even need to.
Trumwill: I’m talking about the precooked sausages. Not the really raw hot dogs. I probably shouldn’t say “raw” so much as “unheated.” actual raw sausage doesn’t taste good at all. at least, if it’s anything like raw bacon.
Clancy: You eat raw bacon?!
Trumwill: Only once. I figured if raw hot dogs were so good, raw bacon would be even better. Since I liked cooked bacon more than I like cooked sausages. I was wrong.
Clancy: Yes. Yes, you were.
Trumwill: You’ve tried it?
Clancy: Normal people don’t have to try it.
Trumwill: Yeah, but a normal person wouldn’t have discovered the glory that is uncooked hot dogs.
Clancy: Eck. I guess I like hot dogs okay if they’re grilled. But when they’re boiled, not so much.
Trumwill: I don’t like them boiled, either.
Clancy: You like them uncooked but not boiled?
Trumwill: I like them in the following order: uncooked, grilled, microwaved, then boiled.
Clancy: Microwave tastes different?
Trumwill: Not really. They’re mostly like boiled. The thing is, though, that the skin cracks. It creates a crevace that you can stick american cheese into. Kinda like those cheesedogs - which are really good uncooked, by the way - except cheesier.
Clancy: Throw in Easy Cheese and I think you’ve just about hit all of the low points of the american Diet.
Trumwill: Easy Cheese. Hmmm….